Sex is about so much more than — well, sex: It unites a couple in ways beyond the physical. The connection it creates between a couple, especially newlyweds, transcends words as you drop down to a place of trust, openness, and spirituality. But why is a healthy sex life so important to a long-lasting relationship? There’s obviously the scientific reasons, but Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW, a New York City-based marriage therapist and author, spoke to real married couples to find out why spending time in the bedroom is the key to successful matrimony.
During sex endorphins such as oxytocin and dopamine are released which create feelings of well being, attachment, and trust. And these chemicals are intensified within the sacred space of a monogamous relationship. However, keeping sex fresh involves staying romantically engaged with one another. There is a lifetime of fun and adventure two people can share when they don’t take their bond for granted.
“My husband and I welcome new positions, new ideas, new places, and new feelings. The more we explore the deeper we fall in love and the more we connect and try to please each other,” says Tara Paige, who has been married for four years.
Leah Heffer, also married four years and a mother of two, explains, “I have gone from newlywed, to pregnant, to baby, to post baby, to getting back in my groove, to pregnant, to bed rest, off bed rest, on again, baby, and post baby. Each chapter is a whole new opportunity to learn about likes and dislikes, what works and what doesn’t. It’s always changing, never boring.”
No matter how busy your work schedule may be or how many after-school soccer games you must attend, don’t forget to regard your intimate time as sacred. Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a relationship author and married 32 years, offers simple yet profound advice on how to keep your sexual connection from becoming mundane: “Touch as often as possible (put your hand on your spouse’s leg while driving; give him a little squeeze now and then), meet at a single’s bar and pretend to pick each other up, have breakfast in bed, take a class together in something you enjoy…”
It doesn’t matter if you have sex five times or week or two times a month. Keeping sex a priority in your marriage makes you always feel special to another person. Jenny Triplett, married almost 25 years, puts it this way, “Once you do something you love, you want to do it over and over.”